This morning I put my Well Planned Day Planner to good use and started thinking about the reviews I have coming up and what I want to do about preschool play for AppleBlossom. I have a main curriculum that I plan to use for this age two to three year, but I still need to get a few books that the curriculum is based on. About $20 and I’ll be good, I think.
We started the morning with my latest Paperbackswap.com find: One Year Book of Devotions for Preschoolers by Crystal Bowman from Tyndale Kids. I came to like Crystal Bowman’s organization to share Bible stories with children through her I Can Read! Series from Zondervan, so I was excited to get this devotional book with cute illustrations through PBS. At first I read yesterday’s devotion, because I thought today was the 7th, but then I went back and got today’s done too. AppleBlossom will look at it for a second, and then go about doing something nearby while I continue to read. If I leave the book open, she’ll come back and study the page, but only if I leave her be. Her current phrase is “Go! Walk!” as she points away from herself. *sigh* Independence. (Soon followed by, “Help Mama! Help!” 😉
Anyway, each day gives a little story about some kiddos, a scripture verse and a short prayer. Yesterdays prayer is one that I think was worth writing down and reflecting on through out the day. (This may be a preschoolers devotional, but it’s worth it for me too!)
When loving others is hard to do, Help me to get more love from you.
– September 7, One Year Book of Devotions for Preschoolers
Do you ever get those God moments, where it seems that so many unrelated things in your life are meshing together? (More on that in a second…)
The rest of our morning was quite educational. Without the curriculum we just kinda went with the flow of what she wanted to do and read, and it just so happened to fit within certain areas.
Bible: One Year Book of Devotions for Preschoolers
Math: Mummy Math: An Adventure in Geometry
English: Bears on Chairs and Skyfire
…now about that God moment…
I just finished reading Catholicism by Robert Barron and an overall message that I got from that book is that life is about becoming one with God and that God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit are in a word love. The more of you that you put into God, the more love that you are yourself. What an excellent little prayer. Get more love. Get more Jesus in me and my actions and my life in general. When I finished Catholicism last night, I picked up the next book in my stack, Grace for the Good Girl by Emily P. Freeman.
Now, while I’m still in the middle of this one. It’s another message of love. Letting go of trying so hard, and just love. Heard of “let go and let God”? Things are stacking. That’s a God moment to me, and it’s the ones where he speaks through.
When I first started reading Grace for the Good Girl, I was thinking… I’m not a good girl, not really. Sure, well yeah, now I’m a good girl. But I cannot say I never did X, Y, and Z. I was a good girl, until about eleventh grade. Then I put the love and romance of a boyfriend and a group of friends before my relationship and love for God and the world as I knew it fell apart and pretty much was in shambles until my the year before I graduated college. Anyway, I kept thinking oh, I should recommend this book to Kit-Kat (you reading this sweetie?), she’s the best good girl I know – I’m sure the only sin she’s ever committed is worry. And I still might recommend this book to her (you), but what I realized as I was reading is that I always shut myself down and say I’m a bad girl, I’m a sinner, I did wrong and I’m forever ruined. I always seem to forget that I’m actually good now, I’m clean now. I’m as white as snow, but I never seem to let myself realize it.
So that was epiphany #1.
Going on… into hiding and expectations. I never would have thought of myself as hiding, but in a way I do it. I have this routine. I get eagerly and overly involved way more that I should put my all into it, and then just walk away. I could go way into detail, but I’m not sure I want/nor should open up that much. But what I can tell you is that you do not want to see my TBR pile. As for expectations. Yes, I have those thoughts. I’m tearing myself up when both girls are crying and I cannot fix it. The living room is a mess. It doesn’t matter that the kitchen is gorgeously spotless. There are crumbs on the floor and goldfish in the couch. Magazines and books everywhere, and it shouldn’t be this way. Things should be neat and organized. My Enginerd works all day. I try to make things nice for him, I’m obviously not working hard enough as it’s all in shambles. I’m just not good enough. — Now that was an eye opener.
Epiphany #2. I didn’t see that coming. I didn’t realize that I felt that way about myself and being the housewife. I’m the housewife I want to be nor should be. I’m messed up and not good enough. But what poisonous words. What horrible thoughts. That’s not what Jesus thinks, and that’s not what matters. Yes I do need to put in an effort. What I need to realize is the praise to myself for what I do and can accomplish well. Not suffer and drown in all that I could be better at…
Epiphany #3. I love this blogging thing. But I feel like I’m talking to a wall. What is the point in all this reviewing and blogging business? I definitely do not make money at it. There are those that do, but I refuse to have a blog that looks like a flashing ad. I do have a page (see the top bar) that has a bunch of affiliates and a paypal tip button. I would gladly take anyone someone wanted to share. But I’m not going to plaster it all over, because I do not like looking at that, and doubt someone else would. I want Creative Madness Mama to be a place of serenity. See the lavender? See the green? Tea and books. Scripture and peace. Come here and find something to read. That’s what I want. What’s the point in making ChristianHistoricalFiction.com and trying so desperately to keep up with the latest of what’s coming out. Does it matter? Most of the time I feel like I’m wasting my time and money. But then every once in a while there is a comment that makes my week and I know that there is a point. Something I say might affect someone. Maybe, and that’s a good day.