An app I’m testing out, tells me that 45 days ago my daughter was born. 45 days ago, five weeks early we got a wonderful eight pound surprise in a perfectly healthy little Mermaid Warrior. June 20th, last year, was a day when my heart broke as I endured my second miscarriage followed by necessary surgery. Six is the number of times I’ve been pregnant. Four is the number of live children I have. Thirteen is the quantity of years my world has revolved around my Enginerd, and eleven is the number of years that I have legally called him mine.
It seems that for many months, I have meant to sit down and write this post. Yet I kept keeping myself back. It’s personal. It’s not full of photos. It probably won’t get a single comment. But isn’t that why we started blogging in the first place, back when, to share our thoughts and get them out on the page? When did it become all about commerce and profits, double speak, huh? Yes, I have affiliates and you would make my day to use my links, but I want the Creative Madness Mama corner of the web to be even more than that. I’m not full of parenting advice, nor am I a homeschooling consultant. But I would love to be a place of sporadic entertainment, reviews, and book recommendations. I hope I am that for you.
Years ago, when we first decided to add to our family with children we couldn’t. Months, years even, went by without much hope of ever getting pregnant. Finally, with a little prescription alterations, and prayers, we did get pregnant with my oldest daughter. A great, uneventful pregnancy with gestational diabetes, and 37 weeks later she joined us. During that time, we went through buying house, losing a job, then finding a new job, and relocating across state lines. Two years later when we wanted to build on to that family, we did with her little sister. After that two years later, I was delighted with the idea of a Christmas baby, but it was not to be. Then, a year later my son arrived right when we needed him most. Last year, we were planning another Christmas baby, but apparently I cannot do those. Now, 45 days ago, I received the amazing blessing of my little Mermaid Warrior right when I needed her most. Every day is a miracle.
Last year, I was so broken, but struggling with how to react. I had, at the time, three wonderful and healthy children. Why should I feel so broken at the loss of one that wasn’t meant to be? Then there were all these memes going around the social media networks about being one in four, and how miscarriage effects lives. I was broken, but struggling to move forward. We had three, we had boy and girl, we didn’t necessarily need more, but I felt it keenly. I had started cross stitching again, and took it up with a vengeance to distract myself. Indeed, I started on a special project with those two souls in mind and stitched away on In the Arms of an Angel from Lavender and Lace #47. I stopped nursing my son. Then I went on the Christian Fiction Readers Retreat and interacted with so many authors I have online known for so long, with a dear friend to tow. My heart was broken, but pieces were mending as I stitched.
Finally, as I placed the last bead in that cross stitch project and took pictures to share online I felt more calm and ready to face the future. Totally ready to love my family of five and need nothing more. The day after, my little Mermaid Warrior was conceived. Miracles much? I’m thrilled with my family of six. True, we don’t all fit in the truck anymore. (Sorry dear, I know that makes our outdoor adventures more complicated…) But she is such a perfect fit for our family and we all needed her so much. Now, 45 days later I end this post as I must attend to her mama-I-need-you cries.